WWE RAW
February 4, 2008
Austin, TX
Commentators: Jim Ross & Jerry “The King” Lawler 

WWE Champion Randy Orton is in the ring with a table and whatnot. Orton soaked in the massive amount of boos and ‘you suck’ chants. Orton said what he had here was an official WWE Championship match contract. He said last week John Cena accepted his challenge to apply his Royal Rumble win to a championship match against him. But the thing of it is was that John Cena’s word meant nothing to him.

He said he wanted it in writing. He said there would be no way Cena could back out in two weeks. He said there was no way John Cena could claim he wasn’t fully recovered. He said he wanted this contract signed so that for John Cena, there was no way out. Oh nifty.

He said his lawyers drew up this contract which he had already signed. He demanded Cena come out and sign the contract. He could wait until Wrestlemania if that’s what Cena wanted. The titan tron showed Cena walking out to the ring as Orton sat in the chair and put his feet up on the table.

Orton said his attorneys as well as his looked this over. He said all he needed was for Cena to sign. Cena signed the contract and that was that. Orton said that was easy and he guessed he’d see him in two weeks, but just so he knew, tonight if something happened with Mark Henry to that injured shoulder, that he’d still have to face him.

Henry came running down to the ring and distracted Cena just long enough for Orton to sneak around the table and plant him with an RKO. Orton stood over Cena with his title belt before leaving the ring.

****Commercial****

Mark Henry and Randy Orton are in the back talking before Todd Grisham pops up and asks them why they set Cena up. Orton says something sinister about he’s not responsible. Henry just says something badass because he can.

Kelly Kelly & Mickie James v. Victoria & Beth Phoenix

Kelly Kelly is getting a wrestling lesson here.. Am I the only one who’d LOVE to see Victoria-Beth?

Kelly and Victoria started it off and Kelly ate a headlock take down before grabbing a head scissors. Kelly showed some nice chain wrestling stuff that was punctuated with a roll up but then she got punched in the face. Yay.

Victoria got all mean and what not and ripped Kelly up over her shoulders by her hair a few times before slamming her to the mat. Kelly had enough and Mickie tags in.

Mickie started doing her fun old head scissors and a hangman’s (or woman’s) neck breaker. Mickie went to the top rope but Beth wiggled her off shaking the rope.

Beth came in and began tossing Mickie all about but almost got tapped on a nice guillotine choke. The hell ensued shortly thereafter though as Beth tossed Mickie to the corner. She tagged Victoria who dumped Kelly to the outside. Beth was still dazed on the outside and Victoria taking her eye off the proverbial ball cost her, as Mickie hit the implant DDT for the win.

Winners: Mickie James & Kelly Kelly via pin fall

Regal was imploring Hornswaggle to be proud of smooching Vince’s ass.

****Commercial****

Shawn Michaels is in the ring talking about making it to the main event of Wrestlemania. He said he came close to winning the title last year, but second place sucks. He said he’s done everything, won all the titles and heck, he even sings his own theme song. He said still though, he was unsatisfied. He said he was putting everyone on notice. At No Way Out……. Chris Jericho’s music hit and he came out to the ring.

Jericho said he couldn’t disagree with anything HBK said except for one thing, which was that he would win the WWE title. Jericho said he’d been in more elimination chambers than anyone. He said he knew what it was to headline Wrestlemania and his passion to get back to it was second to none. He said his destiny would manifest itself an no one would beat him…. Jeff Hardy’s music hit.

Hardy’s pop was enormous. Hardy looked at both and he said he thought it was great both wanted to go to the main event at Wrestlemania. He said him personally, he’d never been but he’s so close and he can taste it. He said he’d sacrifice his body and do whatever it took, even if that meant taking the five biggest bucks on the Raw roster.. Out.

JBL’s music hit and he came down to the ring. JBL said he had to move away from Texas to live in NYC and live in the home of a champion. He said these people didn’t cut it and needed to shut up while he was talking. He said they all had the resume, but they forgot that JBL always gets what he wants. Whether he buys it or takes it, he gets what he wants in the end. He said Umaga didn’t speak English well, but he understood the language of money and he’d guarantee his safe passage to the Wrestlemania main event.

Umaga’s music hits and I can’t help but imagine him being able to count. Cookie Monster… move over. Umaga looked at JBL kind of funny. Snitsky’s on his way out now and what in the blue hell is he doing here? Snitsky said all these people had their chances and he deserved to be in the match. He said if they didn’t give him one of their spots, he’d take it himself.

He said the six of them couldn’t agree on anything, but if there was something they’d agree with, that Snitsky didn’t deserve anything. Now all of a sudden we’ve got a fight.

William Regal came out to the ramp and magically, we’ve got a match for later tonight.

****Commercial****

Mr. Kennedy v. Super Crazy

The two tied it up and went into the corner. We got a clean break before Kennedy hit a drop kick to the knee and began dropping knees on Super Crazy’s legs. Kennedy began hitting knees to the head before Super Crazy flailed back but it was to no avail. Kennedy began dismantling the legs some more, ripping them out at the hip and whatnot.

Kennedy dragged Crazy out to the ring post and slammed it off it before coming back into the ring and dropping the elbow. Kennedy ripped away at the leg on a reverse toe hold before Super Crazy eventually kicked him off. Kennedy pounced right back on him though, slapping on some sort of reverse figure our for the tap out win.

Winner: Mr. Kennedy via submission

Kennedy got on the mic and directed us to the titan tron where he showed MVP being a big jerk face to Ric Flair. Kennedy said he knew he was hurt and knew Flair saw what he did to Super Crazy. He said he was going to take it easy on him and let him come out next week and forfeit the match. He said he knew that wasn’t Flair’s style, but he said if he goes through with the match, he’s going to lose. He said not only will he end his career, but he’ll make him limp for the rest of his life.

****Commercial****

A video aired putting over the Elimination chamber.

Santino Marella & Carlito v. London & Kendrick

Carlito and Kendrick started it off. Kendrick hit some kicks and punches before heading into the ropes where he connected with a nice standing drop kick for a two count. Kendrick kept up the pressure and hit a running forearm and some wheel kicks. Kendrick went to the ropes again, but Marella yanked the ropes up and Kendrick crashed and burned. London chased Santino around the ring while Carlito collected Kendrick and nailed a back snapper for the quick win.

Winners: Carlito & Santino Marella via pin fall

Vince is in the back getting his ass shined up by a buffer. He asked the dude buffing him if he brought the ass cream. Oooh, that’s cold. He said imagine that, Mr. McMahon’s ass in HD.

****Commercial****

Mr. McMahon came down and I have a feeling there’s going to be some lovely ass kissing. McMahon said all employers should think about having a kiss my ass club. He said tonight though, it’s not about him being an employer, it was about being a concerned parent. He said many of the people didn’t give a damn about their kids and never disciplined them. He said they were too concerned about themselves, and not about giving tough love to their offspring. He mocked people trying to reason with their kids and said they were pathetic. He said you told your kids what to do.

He said let’s talk about the children. Vince asked all the kids to stand up and be recognized. He said everyone of the kids was a spoiled brat after all the camera shots were kids. He said the parents made them spoiled brats. He said the only way to discipline their kid so that they didn’t screw up again was to literally make them kiss their ass.

Speaking of that…. He said Hornswaggle was going to kiss his ass. Hornswaggle came out to the ring.

Vince said that Hornswaggle knew he loved him and that it would hurt Vince more than it’d hurt him. Vince said we’d get on with it. Vince got in position and it’s terrible looking. Hornswaggle teased the ass kissing a few times before Finlay’s music hit and he came down to the ring.

Vince said since Finlay was out here, he could kiss his ass too, because he signs his paycheck. Vince got back in position and again they teased something happening. Vince progressively got angrier and angrier. Vince said he’d jam his sheleighleigh up Finlay’s butt if he didn’t kiss his ass. Hornswaggle puckered up and instead of kissing his ass, he took a big bit right out of McMahon’s ass. Vince is beside himself and goes about ripping the crowd. He said since the Crowd liked it so much, they’d love the match between him and Hornswaggle next week. He said he was going to beat the holy hell out of his bastard son in a No DQ match. He said if Finlay gets involved, he gets fired. No one’s laughing now.

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